Holiday Office Party Etiquette

There’s nothing I hate more than forced social functions, especially those involving the office.  Since  ‘Tis the Season’, my least fave of all is the dreaded holiday office party.  Granted, you get to dine + booze it up on the company’s dime, but, if you had to choose, wouldn’t you prefer an e-card + a monetary bonus?  If not, well I guess you’re the minority + or afraid to be honest with yourself.

Sure I’ve hated 98% of the people I’ve worked with throughout my work history, but as the saying goes, ‘Keep your enemies closer’.  That said, like it or not, if you can’t find a good enough excuse to not attend, there is some holiday office party etiquette you should follow.

  1. Whatever you wear, be true to yourself + wear something fun that can easily transition from office to party – DON’T wear something overly conservative for fear of being judged otherwise but also, DON’T resort to wearing something so tight, people will be able count your pubes!
  2. Bring make-up for that end of day touch-up – don’t assume your make-up will maintain it’s fresh morning appearance after a full at the office.  A great trick to keep your touch-up intact is to spray your face with hairspray + be sure NOT to do this while smoking.
  3. Floss + brush your teeth – even all those coworkers that you think like you, will fail to mention how your spinach from lunch has been at plain sight, all day, lodged b/w your teeth.

NOW starts the fun, when you get to the party:

  1. 4. Be sure to drink some red bull before you get there – one time, I was so bored by the presentation preceding the fun part of the office party, I fell asleep in front of the president of a company, bobbing my head back + forth.
  2. 2 drink maximum plus plenty of water, unless you have a high tolerance.  If you don’t, you’ll be sorry, something I learned the hard way.  One time I told a COO how much I thought he was a dick but in a good way, + loved him for it.  Oh, + the time I started dancing on tables + kicking some glasses for good luck.  (Ahh, good times!)
  3. Keep your small talk brief – nothing’s worse than straining your brain to find something to talk about with someone you could care less about let alone secretly dislike
  4. Don’t feel obligated to say goodbye – if key attendees like your boss see you there, you can just bounce.
  5. Most importantly, have fun!

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